Trans Day of Visibilty

I called them the wrong pronoun. Now what?

A quick apology, correct yourself, and move on!

Example:

“CJ was just telling me that she– oops, sorry, they went to the thrift store and got some great finds!”

It’s as simple as that! No hand-wringing needed. Drawing additional attention to the slip-up isn’t necessary. 

But what’s their real name?

What name have they told you to call them? That is their real name! Even if they have been known by a different name(s) in the past, use the name that they have most recently asked you to use. Nobody enjoys being called the wrong name, and using a trans person’s “deadname” (a name they no longer use) can be hurtful and sometimes dangerous. 

Does being trans mean they’re gay?

No, gender identity is different from sexual identity! Gender identity is someone’s internal knowledge of their own gender; when we talk about being transgender, non-binary, cisgender, etc., we’re talking about gender identity! Sexual identity refers to physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person. This means that trans folks can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and more!

Do trans people all have surgery?

No, while surgery is certainly an option for gender-affirming care, it is not a requirement, and not always something that trans folks want. Gender-affirming surgeries are a personal choice, and everything from preference to access difficulties can affect trans folks’ decisions on the matter. It’s best not to ask trans folks about surgery unless it is raised by them in conversation. Like any medical decision, it’s not something to bring up on the street!

What’s non-binary? Is that different from trans?

Yes and no – Non-binary folks largely identify as outside of/non-conforming to the gender binary of man/woman. Some people consider non-binary identities to fall under the “umbrella” of transgender identities, but it depends on the person. 

How can we show up for trans folks in a world that is increasingly hostile for them?

If you have trans folks in your life, ask them what they want/need. As with anyone, support will look different to different people. A good start can be to educate yourself, your family, and your community on the challenges and systems of inequality that trans folks deal with, particularly Black and Brown trans folks. 

Here’s a short list of concrete actions you can offer:

• Accompany them to the bathroom (where trans people are at risk for verbal and physical violence). 

• Accompany them to an appointment (i.e. a doctor’s appointment) where they may be misgendered or need to advocate for receiving correct care. 

• If you’re out together, make sure they get home/have a commuting buddy. 

• Correct someone who is misgendering or deadnaming the person (only if the trans person wants this). 

• Speak up when someone is saying incorrect or harmful things about trans people. 

• If you hold an event, make it trans-inclusive! A few things you can do include: making sure you have all-gender bathrooms and spaces, forms that are trans-inclusive, and use language that isn’t gendered.

• Push for change in the spaces you occupy! Give establishments educational feedback if they aren’t trans-inclusive or informed.

• Support trans people in leadership and influential roles. This is crucial to making spaces and events affirming and inclusive. Impacted communities will always know what they need more than anyone else will!

• Offer legal, mental, and emotional help in getting documents updated with their correct name and gender. 

And many more! There are tons of ways to show up for trans folks and make life just a bit easier. Just checking in consistently with trans folks in your community can make a world of difference.