Sex Toys for Queer Folks: Why It Matters to Us

Recently several of our staff went out to a sex toy trade show in Colorado. (That could be the start of a whole book of stories!) There’s a lot about the sex toy industry that isn’t...lovely. There’s a lot of misinformation, marketing that stigmatizes, marketing that’s sexualizing and not empowering, for starters. It can be eyerollingly exhausting for those of us who try really hard to do better.

But, it was also a good reminder for us- a reminder that even other stores that don’t have the same education-focused mission that Lotus Blooms has, still play an incredibly important role in the world of sex education. Stores, for example, in locations where queer resource centers like the DC Center, SMYAL, and Casa Ruby don’t exist. At Lotus Blooms, we are in a rare position because we're surrounded by a big metropolitan region full of queer spaces, bars, events, community organizations, social groups, and one of the largest Pride events in the country. This gives us a certain amount of luxury to talk about our products and about pleasure for all bodies without having to try to make up for a lack of other community resources. Because of where we're located, we aren’t the only place in town that flies a pride flag, knows trans-affirming language, or simply provides visibility to the queer folx amongst us. In other areas of the country, the local sex shop might be the only sexuality-affirming space for miles around.

One of my other biggest takeaways from this trade show- besides the community network that we get to build with other like-minded sex industry professionals- was the reminder that the concept of visibility is so necessary. As a society, we cannot and should not overlook the importance and power of being seen, recognized, and welcomed. If a queer person walks into our store, they need to immediately see from the surroundings that they're represented in our space. They need to be greeted by staff who understand their needs and make them feel comfortable and wanted.

While it might be tempting to say that we should be “beyond that” and that “toys can be for all bodies,” that’s missing an important point. On the one hand, it's correct to say that most toys can be used by all bodies in any combination, so why label them as "straight" toys or "queer" toys? On the other hand, everything from the way merchandise is grouped and displayed, to the language we use to label it, to the staff's knowledge of the different ways to use it, can make a huge difference in communicating whether we're aware of the needs of LGBTQIAA+ customers and want to create an inclusive experience. We also can't assume that we know a customer's body or what kind of sex they're interested in having with what other type of body. We need to be able to say that something described as a “clit toy” can also be used on a frenulum of a penis just as pleasurably. Visibility and inclusiveness requires putting real thought into the curation, display, and sales of inventory, and not just stocking a few rainbow-colored items.

As a store, as a community resource, we know how important it is to customers to be able to look around and see their bodies, gender identities, and sexualities reflected. We want to let our LGBTQIAA+ community know that we will continue to do better in our representation of products for different bodies, books that include a wide range of gender expressions and relationship dynamics, queer-affirming education, and up-to-date staff knowledge to serve all customers' needs.