How to Buy Sex Toys and Lingerie as Gifts
It sounds great in theory: It’s a major holiday or your lover’s birthday, and you want to surprise them with the sexiest gift they’ve ever gotten. You’re picturing them breathless as they unwrap some gorgeous lingerie or a top-shelf vibrator.
…but should you do it?
The answer is a hard “maybe”. Intimate, sexy gifts can be thrilling if done right, but there are a lot of ways for them to backfire, too. This week, we’ve put some tips together to help you decide how to stuff your partner’s stockings—and find them some sexy stockings too!
Your green-light checklist: Is it a good idea?
Before you start shopping, take a few minutes to think it through. Ask yourself a few questions to help you decide whether a sexy gift is the right one this year:
- Does your partner already use sex toys or enjoy wearing lingerie? If they don’t, it’s possible they’d still enjoy it—but don’t make assumptions.
- Are you thinking about the types of things that you know they enjoy, or things that you would enjoy seeing them wear or use? It’s fine for you to get pleasure out of it, but make sure they’re getting at least as much from this gift as you are.
- Have they asked for or hinted at wanting a gift like this? If so, you’re in luck—they’ve already given you the go-ahead!
- Do they like to be surprised, or is it fun for them to have a gift-shopping excursion together and pick out things they’d like?
- Are they struggling with sex-related problems like body-image issues, pelvic pain, ED, or unusually low libido? If so, tread lightly—a sexy gift that’s intended to help could seem like criticism, pressure, or an attempt to “fix” them instead.
If, after reading these questions, you feel like they’d be delighted to get a sexy gift from you, take one last step: Ask them. You can do it in a roundabout way—“Maybe I should get you something from your naughty list this year!”—or just directly ask them if they’d like that type of present.
Ways to keep it a surprise
So much of the fun of giving gifts is being able to surprise someone you love—we get it! Let’s talk tips for making sure that yours is the right kind of surprise.
- Go on a scouting mission together. Visit an adult boutique together where you can both ask the staff questions about the things you like, and take note of what your partner loves most.
- Do some virtual window-shopping. Look at websites together or separately and have them bookmark or send you links for their favorites. If you’re shopping with us, you can also arrange a virtual shopping session in the comfort of your home to help you find what you want.
- Write your wish lists. Just like when you were a kid, except now you’re asking for grown-up toys! Each of you can write down what you want, including colors, sizes, and other details. Then, you can shop on your own with your partner’s list in hand and let them wonder which things you’re getting them.
- Get them a shopping trip. If part of the thrill is going to the store together to shop, or you want to really surprise them but still make sure they get what they want, get them a gift card and a promise of a sexy expedition to use it.
- Get the gist of the gift. If they’re excited about receiving sexy gifts and trust you to pick out something they’ll love, you can read on for tips about learning what they like and then go find them presents that match.
You can also start working on this well ahead of time, so that by the time you’re ready to shop, they might have forgotten about your plan—until they unwrap that box!
Buying lingerie for a lover
Once you know that your partner is into the idea of getting lingerie as a gift from you, use these tips to make sure you’re buying pieces they’ll love. Lingerie is often final-sale, so you need to get it right on the first try.
- The easiest thing to do is to have them give you a specific wish list with sizes, colors, styles, and links. Clothing of any kind is very personal, so don’t get too invested in making it a surprise.
- If they’re willing to trust you to pick something out, make sure you know what styles they love. Soft, flowy pajamas or long gowns? Corsets and garters? Embroidered bras? Velvet teddies? Silky robes?
- Be sure you have their correct sizes. Check their shirt size and pant size on a couple of items (for fem-identified clothing especially, sizes can vary a lot among brands), and write down sizes from a couple of their lingerie items as well as the brands, if it’s on the tag. Get a bra size if the piece you’re considering has a shaped top.
- What fabrics and colors do they love in lingerie? Make sure you get something that’ll make them feel sensual and gorgeous.
- Is there any type of lingerie they absolutely hate? Some people find crotchless panties sexy, and others find them tacky. Some people hate thigh-high stockings because the tops always roll down. Learn the things to avoid.
- Whatever you do, don’t assume you can guess their preferences or sizes correctly—any lingerie shop staff member can tell you lots of stories about people missing the mark on this one.
Buying sex toys for a lover
If you’re not used to buying sex toys, you might be a little overwhelmed to realize the wide range of choices that are out there! It’s also possible that your partner doesn’t know all their options. Here’s some things to ask them about to make sure you give them joy with their toy:
- Vibrators come in a dizzying number of styles. (Check out our guide to vibrators for a place to start). Do they want an internal or an external one—or a combo like a rabbit? Something that rumbles, or buzzes, or simulates gentle suction? Something for solo play or that you can use as a couple?
- Penis toys also have a lot of options. There are squishy strokers, stroking vibrators, cock rings, and combos with prostate or taint stimulators.
- Anal toys will probably depend a lot on your partner’s experience level—do they need a set of trainer butt plugs for beginner play, or do they want a girthy, weighted plug better for dedicated players? Are vibrating toys too much or exactly perfect? Do they like metal or silicone or glass? Are you looking specifically for prostate (P-spot) stimulation?
- Vaginal toys range from squishy dual-density silicone that feels like skin, to smooth hard borosilicate glass or steel. You can get ultra-realistic dildos, or very abstract ones. They come in all sizes and shapes, some designed for G-spot stimulation. Some work best in harnesses, some suction to walls and hard surfaces, and some even have handles. You can get wands or weighted balls or toys that work with a vibrator.
Buying kink and sensation toys for a lover
This is definitely an area where you’ll want to be crystal-clear on your partner’s preferences. Kinky desires can feel especially hard to talk about, and every body is unique in the types and intensities of sensations they crave.
- What does your partner mean by “kinky”? Do they picture bondage, or impact play like spanking or flogging, or hot wax, or being blindfolded?
- If they’re into bondage toys, do they like rope play or do they prefer padded cuffs or spreader bars or harnesses?
- If they like impact play, do they like more “sting” or more “thud”? Are they into paddles, or crops, or floggers, or single-tails, or canes?
- Some types of kink toys can be very sensitive—cock cages or other chastity devices, gags, collars and leashes, hoods, and other common BDSM gear are very hot for some folks, but others feel very uncomfortable with them or feel like they’re very personal choices. Don’t guess about these!
- For sensation play, first find out whether your partner is more turned on by toys that add sensation, or by sensory-deprivation gear.
- If they like added sensation, do they like soft, sensual, or ticklish things like feathers and fur and velvet, or sharp sensations like vampire gloves and Wartenberg wheels? Are they interested in electro-play, like a violet wand?
- Clamps come in a variety of styles—screw-tightened, ones that tighten when you tug them, weighted, connected by chains, ones designed for nipples vs. ones that work anywhere.
If you’re on the receiving end…
Maybe you’re the one getting the sexy gifts this year. Congratulations—it means your partner loves and desires you, and wants to give you something that will bring you lots of pleasure!
It might not feel that way, though. We totally understand. Your first reaction might be anxiety or fear that your partner is trying to tell you that you’re not sexy enough or that they’re bored with your sex life. If you’ve had any struggles with your sexuality or your body lately, it might be the last thing you want your gifts reminding you about.
But in our experience, most of the time people who want to give their partners sex-related gifts have good intentions and truly want to find something that their partner will love. Of course, if it really makes you uncomfortable, you should be honest and tell them you’d rather not receive that kind of present.
If you think you’d enjoy it, though, help your partner make the right choice. Give them wish lists, or tell them your preferences so they can pick out the right thing. Make sure you tell them what you don’t like as well as what you do! Let them know how much surprise factor is okay. Now is the time to be really specific about what you like and what you’ve fantasized about, so you can enjoy being pampered.
Make your gift complete
Show how much thought you put into your lover’s gift by picking up some of the little extras that go the extra mile and will help them care for and preserve their new treasures!
- Pick up a mesh bag or delicate lingerie detergent to make lingerie care easier.
- Buying a corset with garters? Get them some stockings and maybe pasties too for the full Moulin Rouge effect!
- Get a bottle of lube and a bottle of toy cleaner to go with your sex toys—and make sure it’s lube that works with that toy (for example, no silicone lube with silicone toys).
- Buy a storage sack designed for keeping toys clean and safe, or a gear box to stash and carry their kink toys.
- If you’re buying something to let you both try out something you’ve fantasized about, look for a good how-to book to help you out, or some erotica to get you both extra excited for it.
- Don’t neglect the wrapping—get your items professionally wrapped if the store offers it, or look for something like our sexy gift wrap sheets to hint at the contents!
Need more help?
Because shopping for sexy gifts is so personal and intimate, and something it’s so important to get right, don’t be afraid to ask for all the help you need. Call us or drop us a note with any questions you might have, or check out our social media post with checklist templates for you and your partner. Read reviews, comparison-shop different brands, and go shopping armed with the confidence that you’re getting your beloved a gift that’ll bring them pleasure long after they unwrap it!
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